This past weekend I was on an Emmaus team. I had my apprehensions about leaving the kids and leaving the house. But I knew that God wanted me to do this. We had a great weekend, a lot of laughing, crying and great conversations.
I had to give a talk! I have been so stressed about it since August. Every time I thought about it I would get a tummy ache. After the first team meeting a I wrote my talk in about an hour, God just really gave me the words all at once. After I previewed my talk and power point and was critiqued I just had a few minor things to change. I made my changes and then fretted all weekend about how long it was. Eli gave me a great pointer, he told me to actually write in my pauses. So I did and practiced it and the time was good. I felt much better about it then.
During the weekend while another woman was sharing her talk God just gave me an overwhelming change to my talk. So I made the change, it was a very easy change to make. I just had to add a song in the middle of reading Matthew 25:35-40. After I made the change and talk to several people about it satan started telling me that it didn't fit and it would be stupid. My new friend Jamie reassured me that it was not stupid and that because God told me to she wasn't going to let me change it. Thanks Jamie!
So I read through it Saturday night before bed. The time was good so I let go of it and turned it in. I had a rough time getting to sleep. But after a short night's rest I was up getting ready and satan crept in to my belly and mind. I thought I was going to vomit and I was trying to sort out yet again if the talk was going to be ok. Satan just kept telling me that it was stupid and that it was going to offend someone. I took some tagament to take care of the tummy ache from the taco meat. And then I just starting telling satan to get out of my belly he had no right to be there. I went to the kitchen and ate a banana so that my belly wasn't empty. and then headed off to get ready. As I was in the bathroom getting ready for my talk I ran into Molly and I was immediately reminded why I was giving this talk. Not that Molly is overlooked or ignored but it was a great reminder about where my heart is and where my compassion lies. I finished getting ready and then headed to the chapel. I was there by myself for about 20 minutes before anyone got there. I was so very nervous. Satan kept trying to creep into my belly and he was still telling me that my talk was bad. I just told him to get away from me and leave me alone. And then I just starting praying.
I wasn't sure how to pray and then this illustration just came to me and I prayed that the illustration would happen. I saw Jesus with a pitcher and it was a pitcher of calm down. And he started pouring it over me. I think my prayer went a little something like this. Jesus please take your pitcher of calm and please pour it over me. Pour it over my body, Jesus pour it over my heart, coat my belly with your calmness, and pour it over mind. You gave me these words and I know that you added to my talk for the right reason. Please pour your calmness over me. and help me to have the strength to keep the calmness. give me the strength to not give in when satan tries to tell me things or make me nervous. Thank you Jesus for your Calm Down. That was it I held on to the picture that Jesus was pour his calmness over me. At the appropriate time I went in and delivered my talk. It was amazing the calmness that I had. I gave the talk very slowly, with Pauses. I smiled, how could I not there was a fake bloody hand at the back of the room stroking some one's hair, thanks Trish and Diana. I was able to make eye contact with the audience. I delivered the talk and then was back down to see my prayer partners. As I stepped out the door I was hit with a group of hugs and kind words about how my talk went. After going down and praying after the talk I hung out for a few moments with my prayer partners and then went to eat some breakfast.
After eating and changing clothes I headed back to the conference room. I was amazed at how many people came up to me to tell me that my talk touched them. I had one lady who came up to me crying and told me why my talk touched her. That was very special and was the result that I needed to see after that talk. WOW!
Thank you Jesus for the words, the vision of the illustration, and the lady sharing with me why my talk touched her.
I think maybe I could do this again, lol.
The overall weekend was so much fun and the Saturday night team bonding was great fun.
I met some really awesome ladies that I can't wait to get to know better and I have some new friends.