Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Empty Me

I heard this song today, it struck a cord. I think at some point in our lives we are all filled with selfishness, pride and vain ambitions. We like to be in the spotlight. And how being in the spotlight only makes us want more.
We are all so quick to judge when it comes to the story of the prodigal and yet can't we all see aspects of ourselves in the story. Steve, my pastor did a series on the Prodigal a while back that was simply amazing.
This song was just a great reminder of life. I just need to pray continually that God will Empty Me.

I've had just enough of the spotlight when it burns bright
To know how it gets in the blood.
And I've tasted my share of the sweet life and the wild ride
And found a little, is not quite enough.
I know how I can stray,
And how fast my heart could change.
Empty me of the selfishness inside.
Every vain ambition, and the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to Lord
empty me of me so I can be filled with you.
I've seen just enough of the quick buys of the best lies
To know how prodigals can be drawn away.
I know how I can stray,
And how fast my heart could change.
Empty me, of the selfishness inside.
Every vain ambition, and the poison of my pride.
And any foolish thing my heart holds to Lord
empty me of me so I can be filled with you.
Cause everything is a lesser thing Compared to you, compared to you. Cause everything is a lesser thing Compared to you
so why surrender all?
Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
Empty me, of the selfishness inside.
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
and any foolish thing my heart holds to,
Lord empty me of me so I can be
Lord empty me of me so I can be filled with you.
Oh, filled with you.
Empty me.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

tidbits of cold tangerines

"...they burrowed into one of the deepest parts of my life and my heart. They became something between friends and little sisters and extensions of my younger selves."

"God loves me as-is, even if I never do get my act together."

"I imagine God...puts his hand on my head, on my heart, on my savage insecurities, and as he does it, he thinks thankful thoughts about me."

this is an amazing book, i love it.

Jenn's 101

This is a list of 101 things I would like to do. A friend blogged this a while back and I have been muling over it ever since. It's a great way to put down all those things in your heart and mind that you want to do.
Supposedly you are to do the 101 things in a matter of 1001 days. I am sure that some of mine will take longer but we will see. I will update as I cross one of the items off the list.

Thanks Cassidy for the idea.

1. loose 100 lbs.
2. start my own business
3. a girls weekend in Chicago
4. move to a house that feels like a home
5. get a flash for my camera
6. get a new lens for my camera
7. workout at least every other day if not every day.
8. get caught up on my scrapbooking
9. buy a new mattress
10. see the Northern Lights
11. buy a wii fit
12. see a Broadway show in NYC with Eli
13. girls night once a month
14. San Fransisco
15. have a family photo shoot with Jaki Good
16. purchase a mac book air
17. Visit Europe again
18. Toronto, CN to visit St. Jude's
19. change my last name on my social security card
20. Mission trip to love on the gypsies in Europe
21. Seattle, Washington
22. go to Virginia Beach to visit my friend Cindy
23. make a dress for Ellie
24. Maine
25. Vermont
26. New Hampshire
27. let my hair grow long
28. Disney World with the Family
29. sit in a tiny romantic restaurant in Italy with Eli while enjoy a glass of wine from the region.
30. attend the National Youth Workers pre-conference HerStory
31. see Shane and Shane in concert
32. organize my life
33. get a daily routine together
34. decide whether to send Ellie to preschool or not.
35. bake more
36. enhance my list of dishes to make for dinner
37. attend a swimming event at the Olympics
38. join the YMCA
39. stop holding my emotions in
40. go to a big city to love on homeless people
41. give a talk on an Emmaus team
42. make my own documentary
43. let go of a haunting dream
44. design my own website
45. Nashville, TN
46. massage therapy school
47. be on a Chrysalis team
48. get a long haired, chocolate, daschund
49. learn to ballroom dance
50. learn to swing dance
51. be recognized for a photo I have taken
52. purchase the book that my poem was published in.
53. swim in the ocean anxiety free
54. wear clothing from Title Nine
55. have a reason to go out wearing heels (and a wedding doesn't count)
56. purchase a beehive pizza oven
57. DCB in concert
58. meet Micheal W. Smith
59. bleach my teeth
60. visit little shops in Paris
61. more kids???
62. own the Thomas Kinkade of his studio, we were there.
63. zoombezi bay
64. read a book a month
65. be happy and content with ME
66. get a pedicure
67. get photoshop
68. learn how to use photoshop
69. be able to create conversations with people I don't really know
70. visit Eli's grandparents more
71. love on people like Jesus would
72. plant a garden
73. have a flower bed with all my favorite flowers
74. make my own tree skirt for our Christmas tree
75. buy an old piece of furniture and fix it up
76. go to an Ohio State/Michigan game
77. get contacts
78. wear more jewelry
79. go to a hockey game
80. attend a post secret event
81. visit a Nazi concentration camp and see where Anne Frank hid.
82. enhance my cake making skills
83. learn how to make good sugar cookies
84. get a new he washer and matching dryer
85. eat at restaurants that Rachel Ray recommends
86. start making my own pasta
87. get a edge pan for lasagna and brownies
88. learn to knit
89. do more cross stitching
90. do more embroidery
91. take a cruise
92. a Vera Bradley Libby in the Puccini print
93. volunteer at the local mrdd
94. over come my fear of touching raw meat when cooking
95. have my own work space
96. swim with dolphins and manatees
97. own a treadmill
98. become a better friend
99. become a better wife
100. become a better mom
101. become a better friend

Sorry I forgot to add the what is this list paragraph this morning.

Happy Anniversary, Eli!

It's been 7 years. Can you believe it?

Eli surprised me with dinner and a movie.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Cold Tangerines

I love this book I am reading.
When Eli and I were at National Youth Workers in November I saw this book, I thought it looked interesting. I decided to wait until I got home to pick it up, luckily I found it at Ollie's.

The author, Shauna Niequist, was one of the guests at the pre-conference. I had the opportunity to meet her and speak to her for a few minutes.

I just started reading the book in the past month. Thanks Valerie for the nudge.

It is simply amazing.

It is a collection of stories about God, life and about the thousands of daily ways in which an awareness of God changes and infuses everything.

I wouldn't say I am learning a lot it's more of coming to the realization of some things.

Eventually I would like to share all these things. But for now I will only share a few.

I am realizing that it really doesn't matter what others think about me or say about me. Jesus loves me no matter what. No matter what kind of junk surfaces. He knows everything about me even the stuff I try to hide from others.

A true friend will love you no matter what and is willing to work with you through your junk. And no matter what comes up a true friend will always talk things through with you. A true friend will tell you things to your face not behind your back. A true friend will fight for your friendship.

"Friendship is acting out God's love in tangible ways. We were made to represent the love of God in each other's lives, so that each person we walk through life with has a more profound sense of God's love for them. Friendship is an opportunity to act on God's behalf in the lives of the people that we're close to, reminding each other who God is. When we do the hard, intimate work of friendship, we bring a little more of the divine into daily life. We get to remind one another about the bigger, more beautiful picture that we can't always see from where we are."

" True friendship is a sacred, important thing, and it happens when we drop down into that deeper level of who we are, when we cross over into the broken, fragile parts of ourselves. We have to give something up in order to get friendship like that. We have to give up our need to be perceived as perfect. We have to give up our ability to control what people think of us. We have to overcome the fear that when they see the depths of who we are, they'll leave. But what we give up is nothing in comparison to what this kind of friendship gives to us. Friendship is about risk. Love is about risk. If we can control it and manage it and manufacture it, then it's something else, but if it's really love, really friendship, it's a little scary around the edges."

Both of these are from the section swimming.

I have hidden for so long and not let anyone see the depths of me. i have been very careful and that's ok. But it's time to take a risk. I feel like I have some friends now that I can take that risk with.
Not only do I need to take a risk but I also need to do the hard intimate work of friendship.

I absolutely love my friends and I am so thankful that God has brought them into my life. Friends that are not afraid to call me out on things and say things to my face so we can work on them. And I know that i can openly call them on things and it's ok. We will work through them, they aren't going to leave.

Thank You Jesus for true friends.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Happy Birthday, Ellie!

First Birthday
Second Birthday

Third Birthday
Fourth Birthday, today.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

It's almost here!

Well in about 6 hours Ellie will be 4 yrs. old.

As I look back to what was going on 4 yrs ago at this moment, wow.

33 hours of labor and an emergency C-section later I received one of the best things that has ever been given to me.

This was actually taken the day she was born.
I forgot how dark her hair was.

Friday, July 11, 2008

time passes on

it has been a while, i know. 

i haven't blogged since before our mission trip to canada.  so much has been going on and life has been so crazy lately.

we left for canada on the 15th and were back in waverly on the 21st.  i have so many stories that i would love to share.   let me give you a brief desciption of my feelings from day today.

Sunday-long tiring drive.  the evening was ended with disappointment and frustration.

Monday-the day started with hesitation.  as we arrived at our work site there was much intimidation.  lunch brought connection, laughter and joy.  the evening was met with eagerness and was ended with emminse compassion.

Tuesday-the day started with eagerness and joy but was soon met with uncomfortableness.  i ended the day with frustration. 

Wednesday-a new work site brought intimidation again and yet eagerness at the same time.  the afternoon ended with compassion, love and JOY!  the evening was full of fun, laughter and bonding.

Thursday-the day started with excitement!  the excitment continued through the afternoon.  today was full of so many different emotions.  i experienced joy, love, confidence, compassion, sorrow, contentment, peace, and grief.  today was full of bonding with one another and with the wonderful people we met there.  the day ended with some more bonding.  and the bonding continued into the wee small hours of the morning.

Friday-exhaustion over ruled all emotions today.  but the day was full of fun, fascination, histeria, bonding and compassion.

Saturday-exhaustion, loneliness, pain, fascination, and yes again, exhaustion.

it was a great trip!  it was a life changing trip!!!!   if you want stories i have plenty just let me know.  if you want to see pics i have over 3,000. 

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