I remember when Ellie started Kindergarten. I remember waddling her into her room to meet her teacher and tearing up at orientation. I took her to school on her first day and picked her up. I teared up a little but not a full on cry. Soon after Ellie started school we had a distraction from Ellie's new adventure. Lilly came and life was more about her than Ellie leaving the house and going to Kindergarten everyday.
It was Silas and I at home with a baby to take care of everyday. Okay we all know that I was the one doing the caring for but man did that boy love to help and he wanted to do everything he could for his baby sister. He would even sit and hold her hand while he watched cartoons. He wanted to help feed her, change her and bathe her. I didn't work outside the home at this time, like I did with Ellie. Instead I was babysitting. I think that aided in a different level of bonding for Silas and I.
Yesterday was Silas' first day of Kindergarten and he LOVED it! Eli took him to school because the little girl I am babysitting for gets here at 7:15. I tear up when they left, and teared up a couple times during the day. At about noon I wondered, Is there any way I can find out if he's ok. I went to pick him up and I teared up. Thank goodness for big dark sunglasses. I ask him if he had a good day and he said it was awesome. And then I ask the question that no mom should ever ask their child. Did you miss me? He responds no. That only hurt a little. I don't want him to miss me I want him to have fun and enjoy school to the fullest.
After making dinner, cleaning it up and getting everyone to bed I nestled in my bed to fold clothes while I watched some tv. There was nothing on which just left me and my thoughts folding clothes. NOT GOOD! So it finally dawned on me. At noon yesterday it wasn't Silas I need to be wondering about it was me. I was the one not doing good. My best friend went to Kindergarten and I was a little lost. I didn't have anyone to talk to. Sure Lilly and Isabella were here but those are not the same conversations I had with Si. I didn't have anyone to snuggle with. Lilly doesn't snuggle very often if at all. I didn't have a helper following me around trying to figure out how he could help me with everything I was doing. I didn't have anyone to have some down time with and play wii. I had myself a good little sob and continued to fold clothes.
So thus a new chapter in our lives has come. I hope his loves for school continues and I hope that Ellie develops a love for school this year. I, and she, need for her to have a great year.
I am sure I will start handling this better. I am sure that Lilly and I will develop a deeper relationship and then in 4 years I will be right back here where I am now.
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