'“I just want to remember,” she says matter-of-factly, and she pulls the covers right back up over her head.
It is well after our 8 o’clock bed time. I have been sunk deep in the couch and in the Word knowing that 13 pairs of feet were tucked snugly in 13 beds. But as I make my way from the couch to my room, something catches my eye and I peek my head in the girls’ bedroom.
There flat on the cold, hard tile floor is my 11 year old with her blanket pulled tightly around herself. It doesn’t look as if she has rolled out of bed; it looks intentional. I nudge her awake. “Honey, what are you doing on the floor?” Why would anyone ever choose to sleep on this, the hardest of surfaces, with a comfortable bed just inches away?
“Remember,” she mumbles sleepily, “I just want to remember. Some people don’t have a bed,mom. I didn’t have a bed, mom. God gave me a bed. And I wanted to remember what it was like to not have one.”
We have to remember. Because how can we ever move forward if we don’t look back? This God, He makes promises and in remembering we see the truth: this God, He keeps promises.'
I served as Assistant Lay Director this weekend on a Chrysalis flight. During the weekend the local Christian book store has a book table they set out. On this table laid a book called "Kisses from Katie", the cover of the book drew me in.
As I read the back of the book I was so moved! I was talking to another lady about this book and on a break we pulled up Katie's blog. As we both set there and read we cried. Not a bad cry, it was a my soul is deeply moved cry.
I cannot wait to get this book and read it. I would love to find someone to read it with. So that I have someone to discuss it with and someone who would keep me level headed as I read it. But whether anyone wants to or not my goal is to read this soon. I have even looked into trips to this area.
Something someone said this weekend really struck me. I have wondered if it was just me but maybe not. My friend Peg said "I wish I was where you girls are spiritually when I was your age." I have met and worked with so many young ladies and young men that have such an amazing grasp on their spiritual life. I really wish I would have had that grasp and that understanding like they do. I wish that I would have thought that I could go and serve. I wish I had been far enough along in my faith to understand my gifts and be in the with who I am and that God created me this way. But here we are and I am just now discovering my gifts and really grasping why I am the way I am and it's because God wanted me to be this way.
I used to hate my compassionate heart and that I would cry all the time. Sometimes I never knew why. Tears just seem to flow from my eyes all the time and it's rarely because something is wrong with me. I cry when I am hurt, happy, proud, excited, angry and blessed. I cry when others are hurting. I honestly deeply feel for others.
Why am I typing all this? I really don't know.
Oh wait yes I know. It's okay to cry! That's my heart! I feel deeply and it comes out in tears. Tears are my release. Wether it be a happy release or a blessed release or a hurt release.
I truly want to do all I can for others. As I read the blog that I linked to above and watched the video on her blog so many thing resonated with me.
Not that I don't love my life now. Because I do. I love my hubby! I love my kiddos! I have always wanted to be married and be a mommy. I know that God geared me up to do so. But I also believe that God geared me up to be in tune to what others need. To feel what others feel. I believe He is setting me up for something. It may not be soon, it may be after my kids are grown but I feel something coming. I feel that it could be a number of things so I guess we will see what happens.
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