my heart was challenged

i figured that maybe i would share with you what i learned or what god layed on my heart the past few days. i'll start with the pre conference herstory.

thursday:
thanks to virginia wards' talk i learned that i am in between stages of my life. she said there are three stages, youth, mothering, and maturity. then between the stages there is transition that takes the three p's patience, peace and perseverance. she said that so many people don't understand the transition period. i believe, after hearing her talk, that i am in the transition period between youth and mothering. she said often people hang on to one stage while trying to enter the next stage not realizing that you have to embrace the transition.

then that evening i went to a seminar called the "the journey with difficult girls" this focused on cliques and the rolls girls play in them. she went over the different people in the clique and what the rolls of each member are. she went into how they interact with each other and with those not in the clique. as i sat there hearing this i looked back on my high school days and could see what she was saying. i could see where and how i fit into the picture. she also discussed how to deal with each roll and the drama that comes with it.

friday:
this morning i went to a seminar called "the art of you." in this seminar she talked about how we are all unique and god put us here for our own purpose. that we are all wonderful and marvelous. this is something i struggle with. she talked about how our past can hinder us from what god has intended for us. and how he views us, we view ourselves and the way we allow others to view us. my prayer after this was "lord let me just come to grip with the fact that you made me this way and i am ok."

after the first session this morning was the closing for the herstory conference. jeanne stevens gave the closing talk. she spoke about how we are women and that's okay. God made me a woman, that's what he intended for me to be there is no mistake. I AM WOMAN!

she is so passionate about the roll of women. i just wanted to sit and cry after her talk and i did a little during worship. it was so nice to be in a room with no one who knew me. i could let down all walls i had up, no one was there to watch me and judge me. because i felt like i could be comfy and cry if i needed to. i think i am in the process of leaving behind all i have ever been told about myself and finding out who i am. i am trying to grasp what's good about me. this weekend i was finally able to name two things that i do well. yeah jodi i came up with two and it didn't take an hour. i am an organizer and a planner.

so as herstory wrapped up i just sat there thinking does it really have to be over. i really hope they do this again. it was good for my soul.

so i've been told my blog is impossible

sorry to all whole have voiced that my blog is complicated to read.

i will try to break things up more so it is easier to read.

home

well monday morning was hectic trying to get pack and checked out and to the convention center by 9 but we did it. the seminar i went to this mornign was called "from the youth room to the dorm room." it was good, she went over a lot of stuff i know but didn't really give a lot of ideas as how to help your kids to make the transition. while i was in the seminar eli got seats for the general session. lost and found and the skit guys performed and steve fee played. marko gave the talk, although there were a few hiccups with audio the talk was very good. and i don't the hiccups affect the talk as much as marko may be afraid it did. most of us had seen the clips he was going to show so that helped. well we left the convention center set out to find lost and founds brick in centinnal park before we headed to the car. we found it with the help of two other girls. once in the car eli and i decide to check out the chocolate bar but once we got there it was closed, bummer. so instead we ate lunch at a place called tossed, it was very good. they do a create your own salad and then they have salads on the menu along with melts and wraps. when we finished we headed home. we ate dinner in knoxville at 9 last night. after being at the conference and hearing the founder of chick-fil-a speak we decide to eat there, it was yummy. the last hour and half of the trip was hard but we made it home at like 12:45AM. needless to say we slept in today.

1:30 AM and eating oreos

we just got back to the hotel and here we sit eating cause there is no such thing as 3 meals a day when you are at youth workers. today was a slow kind of relaxing day. we attended the first general session, crowder was playing and doug fields spoke. doug fields was really good. what he had to say was awesome. crowder was awesome i had the opportunity to meet the band and had my pics taken with most of them. hence the previous post. we had a pretty down afternoon. we had dinner at ted's and then headed over to the evening general session. after lost and found, leeland and the skit guys performed i headed to the ballroom to get seats for the late night. my mad dashing skills as eli puts it landed us second row middle of stage seats.
when i got there lost and found and bob stromberg were on the stage singing and bob was playing a water bottle as they sang. it was cool. the show started and lost and found were great! bob performed the exact same show he did last year in cincy. it's not as funny when you know what's coming.
the skit guys are awesome! they are so real, genuine, fun and passionate about what they do. i have waited all weekend to see them. they truly were the highlight of my weekend. we were able to speak to them afterwards. they were so friendly and open to talk to us. i don't think that they are allotted enough time. i could sit and watch them for an hour. kudos to the skit guys for being passionate about what they do.
here are a couple of pics from the day.

AHHHH YEAH!

today has already been very exciting. we arrived at the convention center at 9. i immediately went and got in line to get a seat for the general session. i was able to get the front row of the cheap seats for us, the fords, alan and ed. Crowder was great! the rest of the david crowder band was great too. i noticed that afterwards he was taking pics with people so i made eli come with me to take my pic with him. eli had the opportunity to meet him last year in cincy. he stood in line for 2 1/2 hours to get his book signed and get a pic. i elected to not stand in line last year basically because my pregnant body couldn't take anymore. so this was a real treat for me. i am very stoked. i like david crowder, his has a big heart. he is compassionate, loving and real!

today

today started with a little sleeping in. but we managed to get up and make it over for the general session. we were a little late but thanks to marty we had seats. i went to sit and eli got us starbucks for breakfast. shane and shane were first up this morning. they were so good! i really like there voices, it was just them and a guitar, i loved it. marko came out on stage with that shirt a shirt that had puke all over it, you know the one he dared to wear in cincy. ha ha just kiddin. he was sportin' his team. then chris tomlin lead worship and phyllis tickle spoke. after the general session i had a women's lunch to go to but i had a scattered thought. there i was with 10 minutes till the lunch started standing beside shane waiting to get my pick with them. i was the first in line so that was a bonus. they are so very nice, i hope that as they become more know they don't change the way they act towards there fans. well i got my pics with them and was headed off to the lunch. it was neat there were questions to get us talking and we ate and jeanne stevens talked for a few moments. she is so very nice! after the lunch it was off to find eli to show him what i had been up too. he thought i went straight to the lunch, he didn't realize that my scattered thought lead me back to shane and shane's table. so we sat and talked and i finished the show floor. yes i finally finished walking the whole show floor, it only took 3 tries. liveworship had the osu game on in their booth so i kept checking it. during the 3rd quarter we decided lunch was in high demand. so we thought let's go to hsu's i had downloaded their lunch menu off the website. so after walking for 40 minutes to find it, we were led on a wild goose chase by some homeless man (silly us), they were closed. so we ended up across the street at mama nanifa's. it was a mexican rest. the food was okay. then eli and i thought we would discover atlanta a little, we had some time to kill. and marko said it was ok to miss some of the things at the conference. so we decided to check out the peachtree mall, mistake we couldn't find the 70 stores they advertised. so eli said "let's ride the marta back" okay my feet were hurting sounded good to me. well when we got our passes we headed down. it was funny because eli and i both agreed that the ride down to the trains reminded us of hungry, the escalator just wasn't going as fast. we get down there, ok so far. we rode the train to five points station where we had to get off and switch trains, actually pretty easy process. but we decided to take a detour to the underground. it's like an underground mall. let's just say eli and i were quickly out of place. as we were walking in a girl behind me said "*&@* these white people are slow" hmm maybe we should have turned around then and headed back to the comfort and security of the convention. but we pressed on. we didn't stay very long, let's just say i didn't feel secure. so we get back to the marta station and we find where we are supposed to be. as we get down to the bottom of the stairs i hear someone yelling "just get your hands where i can see them" umm well... we turn the corner and there is like 10 cops and a guy. they guy is arguing with the cop and she keeps saying to him "you just ensued a riot" what? glad we missed that part of the situation. as we were standing there it seems that some kids were bothering him and he was yelling at them and as he was yelling something that wasn't appropriate his phone rang and he reached inside his coat pocket to get it. i guess people must have flipped out by the way the officer was talking. we know this because we had to stand there and endure the whole thing while we waited on our train. we make it back to the conference center. it's like 5:45 and i am ready to get in line to get into the general session. only because i actually wanted to see louie as he spoke. so there i was at the front of the line by the ropes where i wanted to go in. when people started going i ran, full force ran. i got the exact seats i wanted, i did good. some guy got two seat beside me and one of his friends came up and said "where's mine seat?" and he said "dude that girl, me, smoked me" i felt good. ha ha how funny how something so small and stupid can make us feel good for a moment. anywho a guy got up and did some amazing balancing things. then a band called family force 5, can i just say "ummmm ok." i like a lot of different groups but this group i didn't really care for. they were fun to watch but i didn't care for their songs. after they were done there were two comedians, they were funny. i thought i was going to fall on the floor laughing when the one guy was talking about his wife going to sleep every night at 9:15. just laugh it was funny trust me, you had to be there. i guess i thought it was so funny because that is so me. louie giglio spoke this evening, it was ok. i have heard him speak and heard other talks that i thought were a lot better. eli and i left early to grab a seat for the comedy show. let me say last year i did not like the comedy show at all! i don't know if it was pregnancy hormones last year or just the comedians but i didn't think they were funny. this year however, i about peed my pants. they were so stinkin' funny. the three acts were: bill arnold, jeff allen and brian and dave. i think that jeff allen was my favorite but they were all so funny. brian and dave sing funny songs, we got there cd's, funny stuff. i really enjoyed it this year. we left and headed back to our hotel and were stopped by a guy. let me paint the picture for you. a black guy dressed in a turtleneck, button up shirt, sports coat, with nice shoes on and nice stylin glasses, shorter than me. approached us and here is what he told us while holding a hotel key to the Hyatt and a wade of cash. man i am a research student at yale, and i am in town to give a presentation on low birth weights ad something else. and i accidentally left my laptop with all my research and my presentation in the cab. i am hiv positive and need to take my meds that were in my bag in the car. i found a cvs and i have 31 dollars and my meds are 38 after my insurance, can you help me. he also gave us a big story about how he had talked to a cop and he wouldn't help him. we were had weren't we. we only gave him 10 so it's no that big of a deal. but that seems like such an elaborate story to just get 10 bucks. oh well over and done with hopefully he really needed help. i don't make it a practice to give people money but for some reason i felt like we should have. maybe i just have too much hope that he really needed help, i hope that's not the case though.
in reflection of today, i don't like atlanta. i felt much better about chicago than i do here.
well it's very late and i am so tired, time to sleep.

recap 11/16

sorry i tried to get on line last night but couldn't so i must recap for you.

for those of you who know her yesterday was jenny taylor's birthday. so if you didn't wish her a happy birthday yesterday do so today. she is now 18, yeah!

so yesterday started at 5:30 AM. we got some breakfast at the wrap place in the cnn center and some starbucks. can i just say there is no milk to be found anywhere so the cereal infont of the today show isn't happening, bummer!

then it was off to the conference. i attended a session at 8 called the art of you. it was really good could have been longer but good. there were a lot of technical difficulties with her presentation so i think she got flustered. but she was real and loving. it was good. after that session was the closing of the herstory preconference. did it really have to end, i thought. it was great, i loved it. there was worship and then jeannie stevens spoke. she is an amazing woman! she seems to have such a good heart and very compassionate. i really like her and i love to hear her speak because her passion comes through her voice and through the words she says. so the preconf. is over, i think for me it could have lasted all weekend.

so i see marko standing in the back. i went up and introduced myself and just wanted to tell him thank you for the preconf. as i walk away i get out my phone and eli says i am having lunch with marko. thought that was kind of funny, that i had just seen him. so i meet up with eli discuss a little and then head off to the show floor while he has lunch with marko. i only made it through the first two rows on the show floor, there are a lot of exhibitors. i made a bracelet for eli on the show floor, you'll have to ask him to see it, it's funny! after the show floor closed we went and got seats for the general session. when flatfoot 56 came on we left and went and sat off to the side where we could still see and hear everything. so while they were playing i blogged and we discussed the rest of the day. i went to a session after the general session called the dark side of the teenage world. oh my! you know the expression "i need a stiff drink" well i needed one after that. it was scary and depressing. i am not saying that i didn't realize all this was going on but i guess i didn't realize it is to the magnitude that it is. a lot of the same things were going on when i was a teenager, it's just much more intense now. i left there wanting to cry because of what some of my girls are going through and that some day my daughter will have to face this. so after that eli and i went down to the show floor and then got in line to get into the general session at 6:20, yes 40 minutes before they let you in. while standing in line i called to check on the kids. wouldn't you know my mom and dad were on there way home from the er. silas had a fever all day yesterday and it wasn't going down it spiked to 104.9 so they decided to take him. he has an ear infection, shew, at least it wasn't worse. so there i am standing in line sobbing because i can't be there to care for him. i haven't left him for 10 1/2 months so i am feeling guilty that i am not there with him. well they let us in and yes when they let us in i ran for a seat. and let me tell you my behind has never hit a chair so hard. and then i went right up front, i was against the stage right infront of mac. i love third day! i have a picture of my dad when i was about three and he looks just like mac, they could be twins. so third day was amazing. the sand artist performed again he is amazing. i would like to actually see his hands while he does it. then some guy came on stage and told the story of the prodigal son from a different perspective in more modern times, it was good. desperation band came on, they were ok not one of my favs. then shane claiborne, i was really excited to hear him speak and hear about his life. but what did he do read, he read the entire sermon on the mount and then walked off stage. it was cool though because as he read you could tell that he enjoyed and loved the word. so we left when it was over and headed for dinner. at this point i hadn't eaten since 7am so it was way past time for food and i didn't care how much it cost or how far we had to walk i needed food. we walked 5 blocks and ate at the hard rock. it was ok. i had the twisted mac and cheese and it came back to haunt me at 7 this morning.

so it's saturday, i think. and we are just leaving the hotel at 9. here we go.

oh by the way let me say:

GO BUCKS!

mac

third day was awesome!

silas withdrawal is coming

i can feel it. i have been with the little rascal every day for the past 10 1/2 months. i miss him, don't get me wrong this is good for me and him. i called mom today and he has a fever and has slept most of the day. worried i am, i miss him. there are babies everywhere and it doesn't help. it is going to be a long hard wait till thanksgiving to see them. oh i miss ellie too but she has spent weeks with nanny and pop before i am used to that. i do really miss her though.

deeps 11/15

All who are thirsty
All who are weak
Just come to the fountain
Dip your heart in the stream of life
Let the pain and the sorrow be washed away
in the waves of His mercy
As deep cries out to deep

We sing, come lord Jesus come
come lord Jesus come
come lord Jesus come
come lord Jesus come

Won't you come (x2)

Nothing but your will for me
I am only free when you come


this song really hit me hard during worship today.

during the concert kendall told a story of a discussion she was having with one of her friends. her friend pointed out to her that jesus healed the leper with pain. jesus gave the leper the ability to feel pain and yet he was healed. so maybe pain isn't that bad after all, yeah it sucks. but if in the end we are healed can't we endure a little apin along the way.

and here is one of the songs that really stuck this evening.

kedall payne:
paper skin

Don't let your life slip through the cracks in your hand
If you hold on tight you might stand a chance

Don't be yourself if you're not someone you like
There's hope for change in anyone's life

The paper skin I'm living in it tells the truth, it proves I'm broken
This paper skin, so frail so thin and every touch can tear me open
La la la la la la la la la, La la la la la la la la

Don't make your love suffer insecurity
Trade the baggage of self to set another man free

Don't dream out loud you never know who will hear
Delight in bringing you down and fill your head with their fears

On paper skin words won't rescind they sink too deep and slice me open
In paper skin I never mend it bends me back until I'm broken
La la la la la la la la la, La la la la la la la la

day one is over

wow what a walk it is from the motel to the conference center. today atlanta had a wind advisory. so it made the long walk to the conference center a bit chilly. the guy on the news this morning said "we reached our high for the day at 6:30 this morning" it was quite chilly today. anyway...
today we walked down to the conference center and registered and looked for the liveworship booth. we found it and then went and had some breakfast. after breakfast we found a nice lady who showed us where some good restaurants were in relation to where we are. so we made our way to the cnn center to grab some lunch they had a large food court inside. then it was time for the herstory conference to begin. of course i was nervous 'cause i had to go by myself. but i survived and even met some people. they couldn't believe we drove instead of flying. the opening session was great. jeannie stevens spoke for a few moments and told us of her vision for this pre conference. i really like her, she spoke last year in cincy too. when she was finished kendall payne led in some worship, it was awesome! she has a great voice. the main speaker was virginia ward and she was amazing, very real, raw and fun. it was a really good opening session. we then broke out into seminars. i attended the seminar "the journey with difficult girls" it was great. kerry loesher taught the seminar. i attended her critical concerns course last year in cincy and i also really lke her. she is very real and just presents the material in a very clear way.
it was time for dinner break.
i met eli and we headed down to check out the booth and visit the madness sale at the ys store. i bought a zip up sweat jacket, then felt guilty for buying for about 45 minutes but got over it. we got a couple books and headed over to the booth and ran into guys from youthworks. we love youthworks! i can't wait to tell the kids where we are going on mission trip, i am very excited.
so then time for the herstory dessert and concert. the desserts were amazing, i snuck out an extravagant cookie for eli (shhh). the concert began with a girl named regina but i didn't really like her. kendall payne played the guitar and sang some songs, it was pretty good. then she put the guitar down and sat down at the piano. AMAZING! i really liked her. her songs are so real and open and raw. i really enjoyed the piano and singing much more than the guitar. after the concert there was a panel discussion, it was pretty good but i was so tired and the room was dimly lit and i was in a comfy chair. i had to get up and move or i would have been snoring shortly.
i met eli and i believe marty and jen had just arrived. we (eli and i) went to ted's for a late dinner. our server explained to us about the restaurant and after he left eli said "whose ted turner." i chuckled and said "google him." kudos to ed for the recommendation, it was great food. as we left the restaurant and headed toward the hotel i was glad i purchased the sweat shirt, it's cold here! aren't we in the south?
so here we sit trying to recover. i pulled a muscle in my leg walking the 15 miles (that's what it felt like) through the conference center trying to get from my sessions to the show floor. i have a blister on my foot, i must wear my crocs tomorrow the tennis shoes are not getting it.
i will post a another blog to recap the deep moments of the day that touched me. this is getting way to long.

we are here

Wow what a drive. it was quite a drive. 10 1/2 hours including stops in the pouring rain. 10 1/2 hours of the alphabet game, i think we hit every topic possible. it rained the entire way down until we hit the Georgia line and then nothing. once we hit lexington our trip was accompanied by lightning the rest of the trip. it was amazing, at time the lightning was so bright it looked like daylight. i drove till we got to knoxville. where we stopped at target to get somethings we needed and just to walk a little bit. then eli took over the driving. wouldn't you know not long after he took over the driving it stopped raining. as we drove into atlanta, after dark, the view was amazing. marty and jens motel is cool and was neat at night all lit up. the city at night is beautiful. i can't wait to experience it during the day. before we left i did some resteraunt research and so as we were driving the streets and i saw the resteraunts i felt like i kind of had a grasp on where we were. so we get to the motel, check in, and we have to drive around back to park. there are doors in the back to enterance the motel from the parking lot. as we are trying to find a place to park we see the entrance doors and try to find a parking space close. at the entrance doors there stands a woman. eli and i figure she was a lady of the night, and i don't mean bat woman. by the time we unloaded and headed for the doors she was gone. so we make our way to our room and settled for the night. a little tv, "dirty sexy money" and the news and then it was off to sleep. so it's morning and i was awake at 5:30, thank you silas. so at about 7 i decided i had enough trying to go back to sleep and it's time to get up. so to my favorite part of the day, the today show and breakfast.


check out eli's blog he actually has a map of our drive, and they say my blog is genius.

ha ha this can't be right.

well it's time again

it's time to change the blog name. since silas is no longer nursing i am going to change it again.

crowder

on wednesday we went to see crowder in cinnci. the concert was at bogarts. this is the first concert that i have been frisked as i came in the doors. it was great. i thought crowder was going to sing all night. i was front and center, awesome. towards the end crowder told this story of a conversation he had with a friend. his friend pointed out to him that there was a difference between justice and compassion. compassion is like when a bunch of people are standing along a river and there are people in it drowning and the people standing along side is pulling them out. justice is when someone decides to go up stream and find out why all these people are in the river and does something to stop it. wow never looked at it like that before. it was a great concert.

vote for zach

hey all!
cnn has a contest going on right now-cnn heroes. there are 5 kids in the young wonder catagory that are up for this honor. one of them is zack hunter he wrote the book be the change. i have ready this book and his story is amazing. he is working to end world wide slavery. according to marko's blog he has raised over 10 times the amount that cnn says he has given. the 20,000 he has given is just what he himself has donated from his speaking engagements. if you want to read more about zach or simply vote for him you can go here to vote.
we only have till monday the 12th to vote for zach.
let me also add that you should look at the rest of the nominees in all the catagories. what some of these people have done and continue to do is amazing. i would love to get involved with what several of the people are doing.

halloween traditions

laura has inspired me to blog about how i remember halloween. my cousins would come to our house and we would all trick-or-treat together. my dad always dressed up to pass out candy. i can remember one year my mom dressed up as a man, mustache and all. When my aunt got there she didn't even recognize her, that was so funny. well after trick-or-treat we always ordered pizza. as we waited on the pizza to come we all sat at the dining room table and pour out or bags and bartered. every house in our neighborhood passed out candy and we had to have 2 bags to collect candy in.
as far as costumes go i agree with my friend laura, people just are not as creative as we used to be. we always made our costumes from woody wood pecker to a go go dancer. I have tried to start our own halloween traditions now that ellie is old enough to enjoy trick or treat. we go trick-or-treating then grab pizza at cardos. any excuse to go to cardos. what are or were your halloween traditions?

happy halloween

i tried to blog these last night but the dial up was to slow.